Wizards are Weird: That Jerk In Traffic Jams

Wizards have terrible fashion sense, and are in general weirdoes, but they keep appearing all over. One notable trait that the wizard has is that he breaks the rules.

I don’t mean that the wizard is James Dean on his motorcycle. I mean that he’s a cheat. A lot of people look at wizards and try to envision them as glorious visionaries unlimited by our provincial understanding. Most modern occultists spew this line as well, about how they are in touch with the Akashic records or gnosis, or some other word that requires a degree in theology or five dollars in the supermarket check-out line to understand.

The wizard is a cheat. They find tricks around things that normal people have to deal with, weather by trafficking with spirits, or using powers best-left-untouched. Their usual defining characteristic in older tales is that they’re sort of like that jerk in a traffic jam who thinks he’s smarter than everyone else because he ‘figured out’ to ride the shoulder.

This is what’s really meant when people disdain wizards in some of the older stories, especially when they’re perceived as being dishonest. See, with the arrival of D&D and its very legalistic magic system, in fact with the arrival of ‘magic systems’ in general, the concept of the wizard as a rule breaking jerkass has faded (although most wizard players still want to play James Dean), because now they’re using entirely valid and supported methods to accomplish their goals. Thus the guys who disagree with their methods are portrayed as bumpkins who don’t understand cellphones as opposed to guys who don’t think you’re especially clever for wanting to open your locked basement door with dynamite.

Most wizard players are akin to the ‘weekend rider’ playing at being a biker. They want to be the rebellious genius who is feared by an ignorant public for his great power and daring wit, but the average wizard’s magic is no more dangerous than the stuff the black smith trains in.

Oh, I might die during my apprentice ship! Well yeah, but the black smith apprentice might too, what with the intense heat and molten steel.

Oh, I bear heavy burdens that leave their mark on me. So does the black smith apprentice with inhaling the forge.

The modern wizard player tends to desire to be the rebellious genius, but it’s rarely the case.  

That’s the appeal of the weird wizard though. He is trafficking with crap he shouldn’t. He is being a wild crazy jerk too smart for his own good who knocks down fences that should’ve been left up. This is a mindset that doesn’t particularly mesh well with the idea of magic as technology.

Imagine a difference for your players if the local hedge wizard manages his magical cures by the expedient of ‘sending the illness somewhere else,’ or if the sorceress improves her beauty by burning up her youth like a candle.

It’s not hard to notice, that these wizards also make for much better adventure hooks.